Ahoy, Matey!

I feel like the majority of conversations with my four year old son revolve around pirates, treasure maps, and ships. He loves Jake and the Neverland Pirates. He knows all the characters and the lingo. We have even drawn some maps of the house with clues to some treasure. He has recently shown interest in the Pirates of the Caribbean movies because of some hand-me-down toys of his siblings. He has been informed about the ride in Disney World with that same name and is ready to get down there and experience it. “Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate’s life for me!”

A lot of little boys and girls have dreamed about being a pirate. They have thought about what kind of wonderful life that would be. As I get older I wonder about this and many of the other exciting things I pretended to do as a kid that, in reality, would probably not be as glamorous. Pirates were deviants. Stealing and killing was a way of life. The very definition is “a person who attacks and robs ships at sea.” Of course, there was also starvation and suffering with diseases such as scurvy (“argh, ye scurvy dogs”), dysentery, typhoid and any other number of dreaded ailments. Not to mention shipwrecks, other pirates, and jail time in not so nice prison cells.

I’m not here to wreck your dream of becoming a pirate. I think it is fun to dream about what it would be like to live those adventures. That is why we have movies and television. However, it also proves a much more important point: Things are not always what they seem. I have spoken with many clients that have worried that their relationships are not as strong as they should be based on what they see from other people on social media. Their benchmark for successful and happy relationships are based on what other people put on their Facebook and Instagram.

So here is what I can tell you with absolute certainty: Most people show you the part of themselves that they want to show you. They are like the glorified pirates my son likes to watch. It looks perfectly amazing and fun and wonderful. Yes, you are occasionally reminded of how bad it could be but mostly you dream about the parts that offer you something better than what you think you have. When you have expectations (and we all do) and the reality is much lower than what the expectations were, the difference is made up by discouragement, frustration, and disappointment.

Dreams are good. They help us form a plan fo the future and mold our relationships. Just don’t get suckered into thinking that any relationship is perfect. Don’t set the bar so high with the small glimpses people give you of their “perfect” moments that you set yourself up for failure. Instead, recognize the adventure you have in the current moment and with the people you have to share it with now.

So, avast mateys. Enjoy ye life for what it is: A true treasure.

Ben