Dodging Clotheslines
It had been many moons since I had cut my parent’s yard. I’m 40. Maybe the last time I cut it, consistently at least, was over 20 years ago. It’s a big yard compared to mine and takes a riding mower to do it, unless of course, you enjoy a 9-hour engagement with a push mower. There was a recent need for me to mow their yard and as I was doing so I had to make a couple of passes between two clothesline poles that have been there as long as I can remember.
After the third pass between these two poles, I realized that I was ducking my head. You may be thinking that it’s a smart idea to do so as a clothesline could be painful across the neck. However, it was on that third pass I realized that I had been ducking the clothesline — the clothesline that was no longer there. I’m not absolutely certain when they took the lines down, but I know it has been quite a while. On top of that, as I mentioned earlier, it’s been twenty some odd years since I consistently mowed this grass.
So why was I ducking a clothesline that didn’t exist anymore? Habit. Muscle Memory. Learned Behavior. We all have those things that we do because we have been conditioned to do so.
Putting on a seatbelt before even thinking about it.
Trying to adjust your glasses on your nose only to realize you wore your contacts today and then trying to cover it up by scratching your face as if you weren’t really reaching for your glasses (admit it…you have done it before).
Reaching for the gear shift of your car only to realize you are in your spouse's car and that gear shift is in a different location.
But not every instance of ducking a clothesline is harmless and comical. Some people get stuck in ruts that are painful, scary, and/or frustrating. For instance:
Avoiding close relationships because of the fear of rejection.
Deciding not to go to a certain location that is connected to a bad event.
Refusing to study for a test because the last time you studied you did bad anyway, so why put forth the effort.
Believing that the way I was treated at that one church will be the way I’m treated at all churches.
Honestly, I could take up your day with things like this. We all, from time to time, duck clotheslines — clotheslines that aren’t there. At best we avoid and refuse things. At worse we judge and attack people. And all the while, we feel pretty miserable doing it. Just like the clothesline, there may have once been someone who hurt you, an event that scarred you, or a group of people that burned you.
What our brains fail to recognize is that the clothesline has been removed. Maybe for many years. It’s no longer a threat. It’s no longer necessary to duck, avoid, refuse, ignore, or just run away. It is a different scenario. It’s a different time. It’s a different group of people.
You might be someone who is struggling with the clothesline. If you are, then know you don’t have to stay there. It is very likely that wherever you live there is someone there - a counselor or minister, a friend or a coworker even, who can help you deal with some of those struggles and get you to a place where you don’t feel the need to dodge the invisible clotheslines.
Ben Hayes