5 Tips for Better Communication With Your Loved Ones
You hear all the time about the need for good communication in relationships. It is essential. But how you communicate is important. Screaming at one another is communicating but certainly not going to be beneficial to growing the relationship in the ways you want to. There are several elements that are essential in communicating. There is the verbal aspect and there are the non-verbals that we display. One of the most important elements to communication, however, is the ability to listen.
Most of us listen with an agenda. Men, in particular, often listen to their wives with the intent to "fix" whatever the problem is. Their wives start sharing an important struggle or concern - just wanting a listening ear - and the husband starts formulating plans and the right answer to give to fix it. We can't help it. We love duct tape and WD-40 and so we start trying to fix the problem before we really know all of the issue. For that reason, many wives stop talking because all they wanted was to be heard.
In disagreements or arguments we tend to listen to come up with a judgment or comeback. We hear what we want to hear to turn it around on the other person. We don't listen to really hear the concerns or the side of the argument from the other person. We simply want to win the battle so we don't really care what is being said on the other side. This leads to more frustration and anger. It also tends to end in unresolved issues and a pulling away from one another.
So what's the alternative? Listen with the intent to actually listen and understand what is being communicated. Don't interrupt. Don't formulate plans. Don't try to come up with a good response. Just listen. And if you can, summarize what has been said to ensure that you understood it. A lot of arguments start and continue because we think someone said something they didn't actually say OR we said something in a way we didn't intend to say it. So listen and double check that the issue was clearly communicated and understood.
Let's start listening and helping our relationships,
Ben Hayes
Photo by Jackson Simmer https://unsplash.com/@simmerdownjpg