Thoughts on Grief

There are a lot of people hurting today. Honestly, it doesn’t matter what week, month, or year you read that comment it would likely be true. It is the world that we live in. From the moment that Eve took the bite of the fruit in the garden and gave it to Adam to do the same, there has been hurt and pain in the world. And with hurt and pain there comes grief. Grief is by definition “the anguish experienced after significant loss” (American Psychological Association). Most of the time it comes from the death of a loved one but can also be experienced with the loss of any significant thing in life. Some experience grief over the loss of home or job or abilities.

So the first couple of chapters of the Bible explores several areas of grief. Adam and Eve lost their innocence, further indicated by the search for covering. They lost their paradise home. They lost the ease of life. And not too long after their initial losses, they lost both their sons: one to murder, and another to exile due to being guilty of murder. The name Genesis means “beginnings” and even though it begins with God creating a world that he describes as “good,” many of the beginnings we learn about in Genesis are not good. It is the record of the downfall of the good world that God created.

The whole Bible really addresses grief all throughout. Job and his wife grieved the loss of their children, their property, and Job’s health. David grieved the loss of his enemy Saul and his friend Jonathan (2 Samuel 1:17-27). David also grieved at least two of his sons in very great detail (2 Samuel 12:15-23; 18:19-33). Many of the prophets, including Jeremiah who wrote a book entitled Lamentations, grieved the loss of Jerusalem and the national prominence of God’s people.

You have probably heard about stages of grief. One of the most common forms of that was developed by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross. The five stages that she developed was denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Other models of grief add other parts like “upward turns,” “reconstruction,” or “new norms.” On some models there as many as 12 different stages (you can google “stages of grief” and see a lot of different models people have suggested). Many people have been tempted to believe that grief works linearly and once you have moved through the five or seven or however many stages that a particular model teaches, that you should be good to go. That could not be further from the truth. Even Kubler-Ross did not believe they were linear but that these things could be experienced at different times in different orders. Grief, in fact, acts more like waves. Certain elements of grief may hit you out of nowhere from time to time—even for years to come.

So here is what I want you to take away from this discussion today. Grief is normal. It has happened since the beginning of time. It will continue to be a part of our world until Jesus returns. Everyone will be impacted by it in some way or another. And unfortunately, there are no easy answers. In the weeks to come I will give more thoughts on grief that I hope will help, but for today know this: God understands and above all wants you to communicate with Him about the various feelings you are encountering. Job went to God with his questions. David prayed to God through tears. Jesus prayed to the Father as drops of blood ran down his face in the garden. Grief is hard. But entrusting oneself to God throughout the process — whether it is expressing denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance, or any of the other feelings — is a must. He created the mind and body that are struggling with it. So know this: He understands.

Ben