Thoughts on Communication
There is much about the creation of the world and the development of that world that cause me to stop and stand in wonder and amazement at all that God has done. I’ve had the opportunity to see first hand the majesty of the Himalayas with Mount Everest standing tall as their king. I’ve stood on the beaches of the Philippines and marveled at how those islands rise out of the vast ocean that covers much of our planet. I’ve explored old castles that dot the horizon throughout Scotland. Rivers, mountains, valleys, plains, and oceans all have their beauty and wonder.
You see, language is just as beautiful, or maybe more so, than the landscapes I mentioned. Because even if you have not been there, I described those things with words that all of you can understand…maybe even picture in your mind. All those words when read aloud form certain sounds that you know how to make through years of learning. To someone in another region of the world, these markings on the page are just unintelligible scribbles. But a translator could take them, redo them, and make it something that is just as beautiful to those reading or listening in another country. The Bible is written in Hebrew and Greek. Those who can read it in its original language will often say it is like reading in color vs. reading in black and white. Language is important and relays not only what we know but what we feel.
Thus, language and communication is one of the very backbones of society and our relationships. As I’ve sat in my office with what feels like hundreds of couples through the years I’ve had conversations about the importance of communication with clients and church members again and again and again. The greatest majority of the couples that I visit with in my office are there because of the breakdown of communication somewhere. At least one partner is not being honest about their feelings or their thoughts. Sometimes the other partner is completely caught off guard by that revelation. In the end, the breakdown in communication has once again been deployed by devil to inflict wounds on the unsuspecting couples of the world. One of the most beautiful things in the world, has either been neglected or been abused.
First let’s consider how we stop neglecting this great gift God gave us as humans. So what do we do to prevent the breakdown in communication and build a better foundation for keeping our homes from being wrecked by the storms of life? It starts with listening. Not to fix. Not to judge. Not to find the most clever and biting response. It starts with listening to hear. It is a determination to see the picture the person is painting for you with their words. Their words will allow you to see their hurt, their frustration, their sadness, or their anger. But you have to listen and attempt to picture it in your mind. It is part of rejoicing with those who rejoice and weeping with those who weep (Romans 12:15).
God gave us ears but he also gave us mouths. Of course, I always heard we have two ears and one mouth so that we listen more than we talk, but regardless, we also have to speak clearly and with purpose. One of the most important things we can do is be assertive with our needs. Tell people what your needs are. Relay to them the things that are important to you. Often times couples just believe that the other person should automatically know what they need or have the ability to read their mind. That could not be farther from the truth. That expectation has lead to a great deal of disappointment in many relationships.
We must learn to listen and we must learn to speak assertively. Whether we have been hurt by others (Matt 18:15-17) or know we have hurt someone else (Matt 5:23-24) Jesus encourages us to meet it head on in an effort to prevent the festering of the psychological wounds. Become good listeners and become good communicators. It will make a world of difference in your relationships.
Ben