3 Tips on Surviving the Guilt
For me it is a combination of relief which feels like selfishness which then leads to the idea of “Am I deserving?” Then the question of “Why am I still here?”. If my response to that question doesn’t come quick enough I turn to “When will it return?” As you can imagine, it is a roller coaster ride anytime I hear of someone passing from cancer or any other similar disease. It has gotten less crippling with time but it can ramp up at a moment’s notice. There have been a few approaches that I’ve tried and found successful.
Process the thoughts:
I’ve learned through the Helping. Healing. Humor. podcast that intrusive thoughts often stay intrusive because we refuse to process them. As a man who likes to be the life of the party, this may be my greatest weakness. When the thoughts of survivor’s guilt come into mind, I think my way through it. This may seem counterintuitive as I personally don’t want to “wallow” in self pity but I would encourage you to start with Paul’s statement about guilt in 2 Corinthians 7:10, “For the sorrow that is according to the will of God produces a repentance without regret, leading to salvation… (NASB). Ben put it this way, “Guilt that isn’t about unrepented sin is misplaced guilt. God never intended us to feel guilty unless it’s about directing us away from sin.” So if God doesn’t want you to remain in guilt then talk to Him about your guilt. As an author, I have found writing it down has helped not only process all of the emotions but has been gratifying. You don’t have to publish everything you write and can even throw them away or burn them. I know several people who have a prayer journals that have instructions to have them destroyed when they pass away because they are “too real” to be seen.
Be real.
You know better than any other human what you can and can’t handle. At some point, you must challenge your boundaries but you might not be ready and that is okay. Most people will understand. I’ve had this experience even with those who are in the midst of grieving the loss of a loved one. They know it’s deeply personal to you and your mere presence is comforting to them. This has been a huge blessing to understand when it comes to my bouts with survivor’s guilt. I still battle with the thought that the last person someone wants to see after a death to cancer is someone who survived it. As a preacher, these moments were inevitable and I’ve been comforted to find that it is quite the opposite. It has helped me to realize it’s more important that you are there than anything you can say or do.
Look for ways to connect.
I’ve always believed in the importance of the church, mostly because I love being with people. I’m a firm believer in Ariel’s statement “I want to be where the people are.” from “The Little Mermaid”. I’ve heard the sermons from Hebrews 10 about “not forsaking the assembly” and it’s true we should be with likeminded people. Lately I’ve found myself more focused on the why we should not forsake the assembly outlined in that chapter. The fruit of gathering together to worship God is that we encourage one another to stand firm and to “stir up one another to love and good works” (Hebrews 10:23-25).Going back to my first point, you need people you can voice or text your thoughts. One of the “good works” I’ve been “stirred up” for is St. Jude and our local non-profit “Always Endure” by many of my brethren in Christ. Raising funds for these organizations has been one way I’ve been able to give back while also assisting those battling Cancer. Connecting in these two ways, have been game changers for dealing with survivor’s guilt.
These healthy steps are just a few of the ways I’ve found to answer my guilt inducing questions that crop up from time to time. I like to think that starting with prayer along with these steps can help calm the accusations that Satan loves to throw our way. It is a comforting thought of how much Satan must hate when we turn to God in the middle of circumstances meant to turn us from Him.
Travis
As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today. Genesis 50:20